Ro has been acting out with me and me only lately. I’ve been working a lot lately (36-40 hrs) and this is after I was home with her everyday for MONTHS so I think she’s having a hard time adjusting. She’s a perfect angel with my aunt who watches her in the day for me, but she’s been biting and scratching and throwing fits for no reason with me and I think it’s because she’s frustrated. I think she’s acting our because I don’t see a lot of her these days and I’m always so tired when I do. I’ve been either going in at 6 and getting home around 4 or going in at 2 and not getting home til close to 10. Either way she’s either asleep, close to it, or I’m dead to the world so we haven’t had any bonding time. Thankfully the work craziness is going to be over soon and ill be back to my part time that I want starting tomorrow! That way there will be plenty if mommy baby time :) I think when I get off today at 5 I’m gonna take her over to the park for her and I to play in the sand and to swing!
So I absolutely hate driving in congested areas. I was in an accident when I was pregnant and for months I had to be driven everywhere because of the crippling anxiety. I’m much better now, but I hate cities in general and it makes it hard to go anywhere with my very normal and very well adjusted friends.
Like today for instance. We went to downtown Raleigh to go to Marbles children’s museum. I hated the idea all the way up until I actually walked into the museum. The parking situation was nuts since you had to parallel park everywhere ( insert panic). My friend steph is really great and pretty much babied me because I’m a little shit who HAS to be babied in situations like this and I hate myself for it. We had an AWESOME time and I got a lot of great pictures!
It makes me sad though to go out and see happy and social 20 somethings all striking up conversations with each other and laughing and shit. I just feel like that’s never going to be me! And not even because I’m a shitty person or because I don’t have a large group of friends, but because I’m so scared of putting myself out there and going out and doing NORMAL things, that it seems unlikely that ill be like them on that level. I mean, when I have a weekend to myself I usually go out with friends and stuff…I guess I’m just saying I wish I was young and free again. I wish I wasn’t burdened with a lot of this shit. I love my baby but sometimes it really can suck a lot of your youth right out of you
I just feel like she doesn’t get to socialize enough! I know I am a hermit, but I don’t want to force that onto her. She needs to be with kids her age and play and learn social queues so she’s not some glue eater later on.
I was a glue eater and I was socialized plenty. But for her sake, I’m going to assume I was a special brand of unsociable.
So The Little Gym gives you a free class for first time people but the only class they had tomorrow was at 9:30. I love to sleep, but if I’m going to go somewhere and do something I need it to be in the morning or at least when i first get up, otherwise I feel like i’m just sitting, staring at the clock, waiting for whatever time to get ready to go. So though this will require an 8 am alarm, it will (hopefully) be worth it! I just hope there are other people there so she can maybe make a new baby friend or two! Maybe i’ll even be social…
but then i need to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. I don’t want to just leave there and drive AAAALLL the way back home! I need to set up a few stores or places to go to.
Free things. Lots of free things. nothing is free or cheap anymore and its only further fueling my hermit lifestyle. I like parks…but they’re still a little too rowdy for a wobbly 13 month old. I need stimulating-but not overwhelming-things to do….
Ro is doing better i suppose. Her fever spiked again tonight so she went back to the ER. Her abscess burst when she fell on it (it’s on her butt) and it was really gross and she WAILED because it hurt her so so much. She had it lanced last night in the ER, but it didn’t work…i suppose she just needed to fall on it…
We are going back to her primary on Wednesday for a follow up to see if its any better.They took a culture and we should know the results then.
She has a small incision on her butt cheek where they had to cut into it. Its really hard to keep clean since she’s a baby and in diapers, but i’ve come up with some crafty bandaging tricks.
It’s really amazing how awesome she has been through all of this. She hasn’t been mean or fussy (except when her owie was being poked at or cut into…rightfully so!) or anything! She has been just as lovely, singing and telling me secrets. She is a resilient 12 month old for having a MRSA infected abscess and a high fever.
The only thing concerning me right now aside from the topical care of her wound, is her eating. She hasn’t been eating or drinking anything for the past few days and has barely had any wet diapers. I got 2 bottles and 1/2 a banana out of her today. I’m going to pull out the junk food card and make her some box mac n cheese (barf) and get her some pedialyte and maybe some hot dogs. Ro eats very healthily with very minimal salts/refined or processed sugars, so this will be a real treat. I just need her to eat! I’ll probably throw some cauliflower in there or something :)
No visits, no concern for her while she’s been sick, no plans to see her, nothing. He puts his 2 older kids over her every time. He’s so busy with them he has forgotten about her. It’s not right and he can’t do that since she’s getting older now. I don’t want her to have the opportunity to miss someone who will only disappoint her.
Ro has not slept in my bed with me since she was a few days old. Up until she was about 8 months old she would sleep in the same room as me, but never the same bed. Being just one person with a bed in the middle of the room and a very squirmy baby, it didn’t feel right at all.
Well last night ro kept waking up every hour or so crying. I kept giving her a bottle and she would fall back to sleep. But around midnight, as I was going to sleep, she woke up for the 5th time. I figured if check her diaper and if it was fine I’d give her some aspirin cause she’s probably teething. Well as soon as I walked away back to my room, she really lost it. It was the ragged breathed, sharp screaming, WAIL that started to sound like she was hyperventilating. So I go back in and as soon as I pick her up, she sighs and lays on my chest, and catches her breath. We rock for awhile, but she’s UP. So I decide to take her to my room and let her fall back asleep in there.
Oh, she fought it so hard! Drifting off in the dark staring at the blinds, the only thing in the room that was illuminated. She slowly sank into the pillow she propped herself up on. Once she flopped back and gave into the sleep, I repositioned her so she would be more comfortable.
She just put her hand on my cheek, looked at me smiling, and said “hush”. I bout cracked up but had to refrain cause I knew it would wind her back up again.
She fell asleep with her hand on my check and all throughout the night, she would snuggle up to me or lay her body on top of mine.
I slept like shit and bout had a coronary when i had to get up and per in the night, but that sweet sweet little face and her snuggles just touched my heart.
I have such a sweet angel.
I have a voucher for Gerber formula-any kind- that I don’t need. Ro is onto milk now, so I want to see if anyone can use it. I will be happy to mail it out if anyone needs it! It’s $14 off any size Gerber formula, so essentially, a free can. Inbox me with your address if you need some help in the formula dept! I also have a $3 off coupon as well!