I just feel like she doesn’t get to socialize enough! I know I am a hermit, but I don’t want to force that onto her. She needs to be with kids her age and play and learn social queues so she’s not some glue eater later on.
I was a glue eater and I was socialized plenty. But for her sake, I’m going to assume I was a special brand of unsociable.
So The Little Gym gives you a free class for first time people but the only class they had tomorrow was at 9:30. I love to sleep, but if I’m going to go somewhere and do something I need it to be in the morning or at least when i first get up, otherwise I feel like i’m just sitting, staring at the clock, waiting for whatever time to get ready to go. So though this will require an 8 am alarm, it will (hopefully) be worth it! I just hope there are other people there so she can maybe make a new baby friend or two! Maybe i’ll even be social…
but then i need to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. I don’t want to just leave there and drive AAAALLL the way back home! I need to set up a few stores or places to go to.
Free things. Lots of free things. nothing is free or cheap anymore and its only further fueling my hermit lifestyle. I like parks…but they’re still a little too rowdy for a wobbly 13 month old. I need stimulating-but not overwhelming-things to do….
Ro is pretty restless, as she has been for the past week or so now. She has these fits mid-slumber and nothing but me holding her will soothe her. That and some tylenol. I’m almost positive she just gets a shooting pain, and then can’t fall back to sleep because of it. She had one about an hour ago, so I gave her a little over the normal dosage. She was out about 15 minutes later.
The hospital sent us home with a dosing chart that says she can have 5 mL of tylenol, but the box says she can have 2mL. So far, i haven’t gone above the 2 until tonight-but I would think the pediatrician would know better than the bottle-so I guess there’s nothing to worry about.
On a lighter note, I got my phone! It came Wednesday right as we were stepping out to ro’s doc appointment. I don’t know why, but i figured a replacement phone would be like…used or something. Idk. It was a whole new boxed and sealed iPhone, which I just wasn’t expecting.
I’ve also baked up a storm tonight. During ro’s restless sleep, I’ve managed to make some home made cookie dough (not sure i like it…it’s not very sweet, but i think with frosting it will be fine), made 2 dozen cookies and froze about 2 dozen’s worth of dough. Made about 100 chocolate dipped pretzel “snaps”, and attempted to make that edible glitter pin I saw on Pinterest with raw sugar which failed miserably. SO miserably in fact, that I ruined a perfectly god jumbo cupcake tin.
Also, I miss my Otterbox. My phone keep slipping around and dropping and I’m all nonchalant cause I think I still have the case on it, and the I have a mini heart attack when I realized i almost broke a REPLACEMENT phone.
And it’s cold in my house. I live in a very, very old home. It’s a very beautiful home, but there have been very few updates which is both good and bad. It’s good because it still has all the original woodwork( foot high base boards, ornate window moldings, high chair rails, and wonderful crown molding) and doors and the ceiling are like 12 feet high. it’s bad because though they added on a spacious den (the playroom) and sunroom, there is still only one tight little bathroom and ZERO storage space in this home. Ro’s room doesn’t have a closet. My closet is tiny, and the craft room thankfully has built-ins. The kitchen has enough cabinets for all the food/dishes/cleaning supplies, but there is no coat closet or anything. There’s a dodgy shed out back that is original to the property and it looks like it houses venomous snakes and wild cats. I have never been in, although it is quite beautiful in the right light.
See? Spooky but still a little beautiful. Now that it’s cold out and they Ivy and greenery have died off, it looks a lot less photograph worthy. But the entire point of me telling you any of this was to say that we don’t have central heating and air. We have gas heat and windows units for air. In the summer its nice and cool and I have no problems- but in the winter, the cold air slips in through the old windows and its always a little drafty. Not to mention the Gas AND power bill make my heart palpitate every time i receive one. The rent is so cheap (it’s in the country-everything is cheap here) but the bills are 2-3x what they were in every other place i’ve lived. And i’ve been around.
And I would just like to point out that I now have a very sore throat. I would put money on it that I contracted the flu or some other unsavory ailment from the hospital. At least it’s not MRSA!
No visits, no concern for her while she’s been sick, no plans to see her, nothing. He puts his 2 older kids over her every time. He’s so busy with them he has forgotten about her. It’s not right and he can’t do that since she’s getting older now. I don’t want her to have the opportunity to miss someone who will only disappoint her.
Ro has not slept in my bed with me since she was a few days old. Up until she was about 8 months old she would sleep in the same room as me, but never the same bed. Being just one person with a bed in the middle of the room and a very squirmy baby, it didn’t feel right at all.
Well last night ro kept waking up every hour or so crying. I kept giving her a bottle and she would fall back to sleep. But around midnight, as I was going to sleep, she woke up for the 5th time. I figured if check her diaper and if it was fine I’d give her some aspirin cause she’s probably teething. Well as soon as I walked away back to my room, she really lost it. It was the ragged breathed, sharp screaming, WAIL that started to sound like she was hyperventilating. So I go back in and as soon as I pick her up, she sighs and lays on my chest, and catches her breath. We rock for awhile, but she’s UP. So I decide to take her to my room and let her fall back asleep in there.
Oh, she fought it so hard! Drifting off in the dark staring at the blinds, the only thing in the room that was illuminated. She slowly sank into the pillow she propped herself up on. Once she flopped back and gave into the sleep, I repositioned her so she would be more comfortable.
She just put her hand on my cheek, looked at me smiling, and said “hush”. I bout cracked up but had to refrain cause I knew it would wind her back up again.
She fell asleep with her hand on my check and all throughout the night, she would snuggle up to me or lay her body on top of mine.
I slept like shit and bout had a coronary when i had to get up and per in the night, but that sweet sweet little face and her snuggles just touched my heart.
I have such a sweet angel.
You guys…I feel like I should be complaining….panicking….something! But i’m actually very happy. It goes without saying that i submit my resume often, and have been on a few job interviews (both waaaaaaaaaay out of my league….idk how i even got the interviews to be honest…), but there haven’t been any bites yet.
Like i’m just so happy to spend all day with my kid and bond with her. It’s crazy how much more attached she is to me now that i’ve been home with her, even for just the 2 weeks. We wake up and have breakfast together (eggs and banana), we play, we take a nap together, we have lunch together, we do arts and crafts, and we have dinner together. We go to the park, she comes shopping with me, and it’s just lovely.
Her dad has not taken her in the past 11 weeks now, but i am loving it. I really really needed a break tonight though, so my mom took her from me. We got our christmas tree, and she missed her nap, and so did I (0.o) and i just wanted to eat and have some quiet time.
Anyways, financially we’re fine. The money ro’s dad gives us is enough for the bills and basics, and I have enough savings to tide me over for groceries and other things.
I’m just pretty content with all this. I made everything for her party, I’m almost done making everyones christmas gifts, and with the holidays coming up, it’s nice to not have to work through them like I usually have to do since I work retail.
There’s just a silver lining to everything, and I think i found mine.
I honestly used to just shit all over those people who went all out for their kids first birthday ( and still kinda do) but now I understand why! It’s just so crazy….it’s already been a year. From here it’s potty training and talking, fits and giggles, more teeth and FINALLY longer nights asleep!!
But that’s what the party represents for me. Not that she’s survived a year (which, yes is a wonderful blessing) but that we’re moving on. We have hit this huge mile stone and we can only get older from here.
I feel like the concept of time was so elusive until I had her. Weeks used to be about weekends, 7 days of something, and nights were nothing to bat an eye at. Months were a painful stretch of time that could only be ticked away by the weeks, which were always slow moving. And the years. Oh, the years… Those were an infinite stretch if time that could not be measured because it was just too far away. But now it seems the weeks fly, every single one holding something new… A smile, a step, a word. The months are now a celebration; a measure of comparison, even. You ask age by months, buy clothes by month, and compare weights and lengths by months. They are so rapid fire and all consuming, they might just slip past you with out you knowing it ( I’m still not entirely sure what happened to October). And then there’s the year. A friend told me that time goes by faster as we get older. I wonder too if it’s as we get older we have more things to get lost in; to loose track of time in. Between relationships, kids, jobs, projects and family, we have more to juggle, and more reasons to cross the days off our calendar.
What I’m trying to say is yes, I’m throwing an awesome shindig. Not to flaunt my wealth ( which I have none of since I’m now unemployed) or to be vain, but to honestly and truly celebrate what time is and how it has impacted this beautiful little soul. We will be happy and eat and give thanks.
We will also have some kick ass hand made decorations and delicious cupcakes :)
But Dre didn’t take ro this weekend cause he “can’t afford to get sick” even though I work on the weekends and try to have a life, but right, whatever. So I was covering a shift on sunday at another store, but called and told them I won’t be able to. As for tomorrow, I’m still unsure. I’m trying to wait to see how ro is doing. I need to be there in the AM cause my best friend is the one opening with me at 5am, and we have a LARGE call ahead order that is due 30 mins after opening. She can’t do it alone, but i’m still wary of staying the whole day. And Monday is Ro’s follow up appointment to see her normal doctor to have a good look at her. I was scheduled 9a-5pm, but I’m not sure how I’m going to play that one. Idk if just going once I was done with her appointment would be better, or not going at all because my kid is sick and I want to be with her and my 2 weeks notice is in so whothefuckcares.