December 2011
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Please, take note
tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
tourist: oh you think you're clever???
new yorker: what
tourist: i'm going to meet my dying niece and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
new yorker: oh... oh god i'm so sor
tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
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this dern baby
Won’t come out!! It’s been two days, lets go. This hospital bed is NOT a cozy place for mommy. Love you, now GTFO?
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6 Days
until I get induced. aosnfogv-eornegvrnjvwifwone gv poqeirwo3i34ju
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I hate...
stumbling across weight loss shows/vlogs while I’m mid-oreo binge. These Oreos don’t even taste good anymore.
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“You mighta thought that the grass was greener on the other side, till you got...”
– Mabel Simmons
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I remember when I first went to DC
thagoodthings:
And saw they had a Popeyes,
that gif
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i just hate how,
thagoodthings:
the black girl on the movie got hair like Rosa Parks.
what is that?
her mama didn’t even part her hair right for her. shame on her ass.
Rosa Parks.
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my stomach
atomic—mom:
is going to look horrendous after these stretchmarks too bad i’ll still be sexy as fuck.
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“In the human endeavor, chance favors the prepared mind.”
– Fourtune cookie
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